I had what I thought was part 2 of the blog, "Infertility leads to greatest blessing" finished for weeks. I was just waiting on God to tell me it was time to share. I waited. And I waited.
And I waited...
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Then, He totally changed it all...
I made this post on facebook...Often we think if we aren't exactly where WE think we should be that God isn't using us. Maybe we think we aren't good enough for God to use. Oh the lies the sneaky devil likes to tell us. How do you know God isn't using you where you are? Maybe that's where you are supposed to start. Are you listening to His voice? Looking for His signs? Don't think you are just sitting on the bench while everyone else is in the game. Warm that bench in obedience and what you are doing now will shape what He has planned for your future. Trust in His timing.
His timing was the hardest part for me. I, like most people, had a vision. Not just with my photography but with my life. It was like I needed to see this coloring book of God's, NOW. I wanted the perfect relationship with my husband, the boys, my photography, everything.
Late 2014, J and I join a church together. Something I felt was a must for us as a newly married couple and would be our foundation in our marriage After all, we are nothing without God. It is here that I find things begin to change for me. No, I am not saying the church made this change happen. I am saying I began to change. My prayers about life, love, marriage, business; you name it, it changed. It was like I learned to pray all over again. Or at least learned what prayer was about. God was molding me, my heart, my mind, my soul.
Early 2015, I'm sitting in a session after my first blog post about infertility when a mom completely opened my eyes! She was my billboard from God per say. While discussing my post she told me of her struggle with infertility. She reminded me that it was by faith alone that she conceived this precious angel laying in my floor doing an outfit change. More importantly, she said the magic words..."God may not give you children that you will physically carry in your body, but He has given you children. He has given you 2 amazing boys that while you might not realize it, you are their parent and you have job to do for them. You have a job to do for all of these babies that come in your studio. Those boys and these babies in your studio are YOUR babies."
Whoa! Smack me in the face why don't you! Her words rocked me to the core! I had been praying for the boys and the kids that come into my studio but that wasn't enough. God was saying I needed to Become. But Become what??? I am already a wife, a photographer, a stepmom. What am I supposed to become? Mind you, this is also the same sermon we were getting at church. Every Sunday was like God himself getting in my face, pointing his finger.
In the weeks after this conversation I truly prayed harder than I ever had before. Seems like the harder I prayed though, the harder the devil pursued me. It wasn't until Easter Sunday that I woke up to realize what it was I was to Become. What I had already Become.
I'm ironing Easter outfits & talking to God like He's literally standing beside me. Trying to convince Him that there is no way I can make this blog post. There is no way I can tell people how I feel.
God said fine & in the couple days after Easter, God showed me who was boss. He reminded me. Become.
God has given me 2 amazing boys. Boys that literally He hand picked for me even before I knew they would be there. As a little girl I used to play house. I only had boys when we played. Two boys actually. Two boys who played baseball if you want to get technical. Funny isn't it?! Easter Sunday though, it became real. Exactly what I was supposed to Become.
A wife, a photographer with many babies, & a stepmom. Well, stepmom by technical terms but either way, I am a woman that God has blessed with 2 amazing boys. That play baseball. That I would lay my life down for this instant if God demanded it. That I will love until my dying day!! That were hand picked by God to show me the Greatest Blessing in Infertility. Whether step, adopted, foster, or real; find the love & blessing in the gifts God gives you. Be thankful & humble because His grace is abundant & enough.
Photo Credit: Julie Hall Photography