Infertility leads to greatest blessing...
Being a woman, one of our hearts most intimate desires is to become a mother. To hold those precious babies in our arms, count the 10 tiny fingers & 10 tiny toes, kiss those little lips & bury her nose in the crease of their neck & inhale deep.
At a young age of 13, being able to have a baby or not being able to have a baby really never crosses your mind nor do you give much merit when the doctor says there is no way you will ever carry a child. It's not until many years later when all of your friends are meeting their special someone, getting married, & preparing for that new bundle of joy to start a heck of adventure together you stop & realize what it is exactly you can't have. For me it was when a family member got pregnant. I struggled! Perhaps struggled isn't the word. It's more like resented & got flat out pissed off when the thought crossed my mind. I mean, let's just keep it real. No need for me to sugarcoat the emotions that I felt. Then one of my greatest friends in the world sent me a message asking for information on the new MaeB Baby club I had created. Seriously?! I felt like God was trying to punish me! Sheesh!
Baby H arrives in July, yet she chooses another photographer to do his newborn pictures. Furious all over again. Really?! We are family! (Never mind the fact that I had NO clue how to shoot a newborn session at the time, lol!) Still struggling when my friend gives birth to Baby E 3 years later, it was Baby E's newborn session that my journey of healing & purpose began. Baby E was my first true newborn & member of MaeB baby. My prayer for a baby has suddenly changed. It's suddenly became a prayer for guidance. A prayer to fill the void that was in my heart that honestly only God knew.
Somewhere in all of this, God blessed me with an amazing man that I now call my hubby. On our 3rd date we had the big "no children" talk. Him already having 2 boys, we were both ok with that. After all, what choice did I have? I couldn't have children. I was totally not prepared for the emotions that would come about when I would fall in love with his boys. Especially on the night that I realized that I would give my own life for their's. Wow, that's what this feels like! See, in my eyes being a mom isn't about biological, step, adopted or foster. It's about that unconditional love that you have for someone else. Knowing that your main concern in life is to take care of them & let them know how loved they really are.
Still not quite understanding what exactly it was that God had planned for me, He totally rocked my world in just a few short weeks of 2015. Stay tuned for the rest of the story next week!